


in my feelings

by triste_et_beau



Series: Sweet, Sexy, & Savage [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Angst, Break Up, Fighting, Hurt, Kehlani - Freeform, M/M, One Shot, Short Story, Song Inspired, Unrequited Love, bad at this, larry stylinson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-25
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-10-10 06:50:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10431582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/triste_et_beau/pseuds/triste_et_beau
Summary: harry is stuck on louis who couldn't care less about him or his feelings





	

**Author's Note:**

> another from me
> 
> inspired by my queen aka Kehlani
> 
> enjoy!

"i still give you all my days when i can't even have your nights." 

harry sighs looking down at his notebook with confused eyes. around him there's nothing but him surrounded everywhere. his clothes are on the floor, his cigarettes are on his desk, his body is in his bed when it doesn't even feel like it. 

he sighs before getting up and walking to his bed where louis is asleep. even asleep harry can't help but fall for him over and over again. he's fucking sleeping and harry is falling in love with him like a little kid. the way his eyes are shut peacefully and his body is limp and his hair messy. his body still curves the way it used to when harry used to memorized his body up to down. now he barely even remembers that louis has dimples in the back of his back. 

louis stirs in his sleep now turning to hug the long pillow that harry hates. that pillow took his spot. he should be asleep in louis' arms with louis breathing on his neck and louis' legs and body tangled with his. 

harry looks at louis one more time before going to leave the bedroom. he travels downstairs to the kitchen to make tea that he always made for the both of them, but now it's just for him. 

everything is always just for him now.

he makes the tea as simple as that. boils the water adds in the tea and adds milk then sits down at the table with his tea with his head in his hands. 

harry never used to do this you know. 

he used to wake up in louis arms but now he wakes up before anyone to sit and just wonder why. 

why did he always feel this way? why did he feel like he was worth something but isn't? why is he always feeling so fucking emotional? why is he even still here? that last one is so fucking hard he can't even find the fucking answer to it. 

when he thinks of leaving louis and louis leaving him he feels like he'll fucking die. it's like he can't picture himself without louis but louis doesn't feel the same way. 

the way louis would always sneak out when harry was asleep, the way he'd find weed hidden in louis' pants when he'd wash them, when he would smell the taste of beer in louis' mouth the only time he would kiss him being when he was drunk.

those reasons will always leave harry wondering why he doesn't just leave.

he doesn't feel ready to leave but one day he will. one day he will have the strength to pick up everything and leave. but that isn't going to happen today or tomorrow. 

louis is in his head every single moment in this life he's living. hes addicted to louis like how louis is with his drugs. louis isnt a druggie though. his smile is too sweet and his eyes are too kind and his lips are too soft and sweet to ever be addicted to something.

louis got him messed up. how he does everything for this man but he doesn't and never gets anything back for it. how he gives him his everything from his heart to his mind all he gets from louis are meaningless words and empty promises.

he just wants these lonely nights to turn to days where he can enjoy what louis really is. see that genuine smile louis has for everyone but him. he wants that love and affection that will leave him feeling high and asleep letting his mind dream that dream he always wanted to come true.

instead he's left with this one sided love shit that makes him just want to fucking die. this love that makes him feel worthless and meaningless makes him want to leave and just get off of what louis is. 

but he can't.

he's addicted and he doesn't know how to leave because his feeling are in control. his feelings are controlling him to the point where he just wants louis but his head knows he cant have him. his head is done waiting years and years for louis to tell him he loves him and hell finally belive it this time. 

he wants it to stop. but he never stopped. 

he always called louis hoping for him to pick up. he waited for louis to call him and for once say something that will leave him stunned but nothing has happened.

his mind is racing and he can't keep up with all the thoughts that are racing around in his head.

but when he hears the floor creak he looks up to see him. 

louis with his sleepy gaze with lips set at a tired frown and his shirtless body. harry can hear his heart racing telling him to just run to him and just fucking love him.

"mind getting me a cuppa love?" 

at those words he obeys. he always obeys he thinks this when he gets up to walk to the counter. he gets a cup and pours the tea in with the water adding in a little bit of milk with no sugar and hands it over. 

louis smiles at him fakely. 

harry knows that smile way too much, he feels like he knows it more than louis himself. 

"i love the things you do for me but i dont love you" 

louis heads back upstairs and harry can't deal with it anymore.

his mind is racing and there's word in his mouth that want to be let out. he is done feeling this way. he's done with all these fucking games louis plays with him. he's done waiting with for these lonely nights to turn to day.

he looks at where louis once was and gets this spring of confidence overcome him. it's like something is controlling him. even when he walks upstairs to open the door to see louis packing his stuff. he stares and doesn't stop when he sees louis turn to look at him. 

"oh harry."

louis looks so awkward harry just wants to wash it away and replace it with that smile he never sees anymore.

instead harry walks towards him and slaps him.

he's surprised himself as well.

one minute he was crying not to leave him and here he is getting ready to leave him. it looks like his heart finally made up its fucking mind and is settling with his head.

"harry what the fuck?!" louis looks at him with anger in his eyes as he holds his hand to his cheek where his hand once connected with it.

"okay you know what? fuck you harry. i'm leaving for a reason and that's because i don't fucking care about you anymore! there i said it! i cant bear to look at you because when i do i just see a future that i can't commit to!" he basically screams it at harry like it was his fault. 

harry lets him. 

but he thinks that it wasn't his fault because who played all these games? who wasted all his nights? who runs away from it all? 

not him. 

harry let's him scream. 

he let's him because he couldnt bear to care anymore. he's tired of feeling this way and waiting. he hates to think this but he can't wait to fucking leave.

in the end its not louis who leaves its harry.

"you should be asking yourself this. is this even fucking love? or is it just you and your fucked up version of love? ive been here for years waiting but now im just ready to fucking leave you. i admit that i was once stuck to you. i was addicted but now im ready to leave you and let you live your sad fucked up life. i pray for the next person you fuck over but i pray for you more." harry spits out at louis feeling proud when louis is left in shock. his mouth open and his eyes wide. he'll miss this beautiful but fucking horrible face. 

harry turns to grab his keys and wallet and is out the door leaving behind that asshole and the memories he has with him.


End file.
